So I feel like I could climb the walls. I am just a ball full of nervous energy. I have no idea why. I can guess! I have done a lot of guessing lately. I think that I have finally come to the conclusion that I just don't care anymore why I have an attitude and further more I am tired of guessing why. I am cranky and I just feel like slapping the crap out of some people. :) (I do mean than with all of the love in my heart). The good news is I have never actually slapped anyone. And I can control myself really well, so I do not think we have anything to worry about there. However, I am a little combative in my conversation. In fact, one of my friends has told me I have a really awful look that just in the last week has flared back up. He has suggested that I ask for a better "crazy" pill. (see why I have the urge to slap the crap out of people! And I am the one with the problem).
So, back to the whole "I don't care anymore" idea. I used the think that it was polite to let people know when I was a little off. To warn them that I am on edge, and cranky with not much patience. I have discovered that no one really cares about that. They just want you to be Miss Mary Sunshine, so that they don't have to deal with it. I see there point, but really don't you want to know when to "not poke the bear" as a good friend of mine says? I know I like have warnings. Of course letting others know that you are a little "edgy" usually gets a response like, how come? Do I really have to have reason? I used to think that yes, I had to have a reason. I have gone to major lengths to try and delve into the reason "why". And when I give my reason, then I get stupid responses on how I should not be cranky, I should get over it. ( really, thanks for that wealth of information... keep poking that bear stupid!)
That is what lead me to the conclusion, that I really don't know why I am cranky, and I really am tired of trying to figure it out. Maybe I was just born that way. I just have cranky times. It lasts for a few months, and then I am back to normal. I kind of like this new freedom. No pressure to figure out "whats wrong". So liberating!
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2 comments:
I still say you need to up your dosage!!! LOL!!!
So... the Dr. thinks my feelings are not right and so as a side note, I will be changing my meds. I guess I am going a little crazy. I guess that is good news for my staff. Hope they don't give my a standing ovation when I notify them that I am changing my meds.... there goes that bear poking thing again! :)
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